Toxic Bosses - Spot them and save yourself

66% of employees in the US feel some sort of burnout. Burnout is not having plenty of work. Reasons can be meaningless work, lack of psychological safety, ethical dilemmas, etc.

Let's talk about the reasons for burnout: toxic boss.

Trust me, you won't spot them at first glance.

Here is a real life example I came across this week: A manager burned out three times in a row. THREE TIMES!

Let's be honest. The first reaction is that health is the priority. How stupid can you be? Why don't you react? What's wrong with you?

The manager, let's call him Tom, is a good manager. He is supportive. But Tom has a toxic boss.

Toxic bosses don’t always yell.
They don’t always micromanage.

Sometimes, they smile while slowly shrinking your confidence.

They control the conversation.
They correct your thinking.
They make you feel smaller — even when they say, “Great job.”

At first, it all feels like a challenge. But no.

These small things compound over time.

Let's dive into 5 signs of a toxic boss and how save yourself:

1. They Control the Conversation, Not Lead It

They dominate airtime but don’t create space for others. Every meeting is around their view and their questions.

Whatever you do, they let you know it is not enough. There is always an unanswered question left.

Your explanations, views, or perspectives aren't heard or even asked about. It's getting worse:

The reason is obvious:

They see you as execution, not collaboration.

What to do instead:

• Pre-wire ideas in writing or 1:1 before big meetings.
• Document your input in follow-up emails (“As discussed, I suggested…”).
• In meetings, say: “To build on what I proposed earlier…” — reclaim visibility subtly.
• Ask: “Can I offer a second angle to round this out?”

These steps ensure that your ideas remain yours. Relating to documented things or asking questions provides air time for you.

You shift from being briefed to communicating on eye level.

2. They Answer With Statements, Not Exploration

You ask a thoughtful question. They respond like it’s a closed topic. It feels like you have an information gap, and they are not willing to explain or expand.

It's obvious:

They shut down the dialogue. For you, it is important to get the background information. Otherwise the gap grows.

What to do instead:

• Frame questions around curiosity, not challenge.
  “Can you walk me through the thinking behind that?”
  "Knowing the background helps me to support you on the next steps."
• Ask in private if public settings trigger defensiveness.
• If stonewalled, shift to stakeholders who do explain — build influence elsewhere.

They want to stay superior. Build your influence.

3. They Let You Feel the Hierarchy

Superiority - they let you feel that they are above. You don’t feel like a team. You feel like you’re being evaluated.

Toxic bosses do this in tiny and small actions:

• They refer to themselves by title or org position (“As the Director...”)
• They avoid eye contact in meetings and only talk to other managers.
• They interrupt — but hate being interrupted.

Their message to you:

What to do instead:

• Act like a peer — respectfully. Use language like “Here’s a perspective I’d like to add.”
• Show that you understand strategic priorities — not just your own tasks.
• Build relationships across departments to reduce dependency on them for visibility.

It's simple: Don't accept the hierarchy gap and build alliances. Do your homework.

4. They React to Feedback as Threat, Not Input

Toxic bosses don’t say, “Thank you for the feedback.” They shut it down or explain it away. Any kind of ideas are labeled as “off-topic,” “not helpful,” or “too much.”

Often, this is followed by saying to focus on one's own areas. It is frustrating.

Toxic bosses assume they know it all. Nothing new can be shared from you. They assume to be always a step ahead of others - no discussions needed.

What to do instead:

• Frame feedback as shared improvement: “Can I share something that might help us both?”
• Use third-party phrasing: “I’ve seen teams benefit from…”
• If rejected, don’t push — document patterns and slowly redirect your effort to safer, more open forums.

Don't try to outsmart them. Try to share ideas with social proof.

5. They Drain Energy Instead of Creating It

Great leaders energize. Toxic ones deplete. Listen to your inner self carefully because you don't look forward to meetings or feel smaller after talking to them, or everything is around them.

You just don’t feel safe to ask, try, or disagree. This slowly destroys your confidence and energy.

What to do instead:

• Use self-reflection to reality-check their impact. Journal what’s true, what’s distorted.
• Reconnect with your values. Talk to mentors, allies, or friends outside the toxicity.
• Set mental boundaries. Limit emotional bandwidth spent on pleasing them.
• Plan your pivot. Explore transfers, mentors, or roles under better leadership.

Let me be straight: Meetings with a true leader leave you motivated and delighted. You can't wait to continue to work.

Then you have managers: they tell you exactly what is needed for success. You are a professional and in control.

A toxic boss doesn't create any of the above. Watch out!

Summary:
Trust your gut feeling. You sense that something is odd with the boss. Don't mix toxicity with a challenge. A leader helps you with the challenge. They take the time because you are worth it. However, I shared the tactics, but these are for survival. But survival isn't our goal in life. Live a life in fulfillment because you deserve it. Find a new job or environment.

Sources:

[1] https://www.forbes.com/sites/bryanrobinson/2025/02/08/job-burnout-at-66-in-2025-new-study-shows/